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Depression and Heart Disease

100 thoughts on “Fear of Abandonment? (Borderline Personality Disorder)

  1. Thank you so much. All day it's been such a struggle.. and that can feel like a waste of a day. I needed this to understand.

  2. But also though it’s not an irrational fear. Lmfao.

    I’ve been chronically ill since birth and have always been abandoned.

    Ironically, it’s because people DONT believe that I need help because I present as though im always capable, Bc in many ways I AM, and so I’ve had people literally think I’m FAKING migralepsy or a defective heart valves

  3. Kati…. I don't know if you are going to see this comment… But just the fact that you are taking about this things helps me … Because of you I decided to go for therapy… I don't know what is happening to me….I do have symptoms of a lot of disorders and you make me think that maybe is the time to understand what is going on and get some help.

  4. I don't think i have a disorder specificly for this but, i have a very intense fear of my sisters leaving. I find myself a total mess when they stay somewhere over night. I don't know when this started but, i just cant imagine them beig gone. What would have happend if they weren't there when i was in such a bad place emotionally. Sometimes i end up crying and shaking because of this. Im younger then they are so they will be leaving the house before me in some time. I don't know why im even writing this right now but, thanks for reading, and sorry.

  5. I have had abandoment issues every since I was young, my parents not ever being there, always being left alone. My dad & brother walked out of my life, failed relationships I've never been cared about or truly loved ever in my life by anyone I ever loved so I struggle with this & it has tramatized me mentally. I've never been good enough for anybody, everyone always has walked out on me.i suffer from borderline personality disorder, bipolar panic disorder with onset agoraphobia. No matter what the situation I always fear abandoment, that it will happen again. I also have ptsd.

  6. Honestly not to be rude or negative, but these tips were so generic and irritating. I didn’t get anything interesting or innovative from this video.

  7. Fairly sure I have BPD but also have trauma from abandonment attempts and cheating in the past. I'm a newly single dad of 2 amazing kids and I found myself doing this to the point where it was severely self-harming. My anxiety attacks were so bad I'd end up in the hospital because it felt like a heart attack.

    Now my soon-to-be ex wife ran out on us because she couldn't handle the stress of being a mother (her words, not mine) and now it's almost relief. She cheated and ran out for the 5th time now but being the loving family man I always brought her back thinking it was best for the kids to have their mom. Honestly it was just for my own security.

    Coming to terms with it has been the greatest relief. I know now my children have a place for a real mother to come in and I have the freedom to share my love with someone who wants to be a true part of that. Someone who wants to be there instead of being obligated to.

    In the end, be sure to love yourself and someone will come to still love you. Even when you think the world is against you and you feel alone and abandoned, someone out there still cares. At least I do, lol.

  8. I’m afraid people will abandon me that I’ve become a pushover and let everyone “bully” me without standing up for myself. My friends also do it and they think I don’t mind and that I think it’s fun but it really ruins my self esteem and makes me uncomfortable but I can’t say anything because they might not like me later. Idk why I’m so sensitive honestly if anyone hears “no one likes you” as a joke they just laugh it off but when someone says that to me even when I know they are just joking and don’t mean it it really affects me to the point I get paralyzed.

  9. I lost friends bc i scared of people abandon me it get hard then i am breaking down crying also bc of child hood i was ignore as child

  10. I don’t know if my fear of abandonment is justified or not I said this to someone “ you won’t leave me until death , and I won’t leave you even if you abused me / cheated / humiliated me you know nothing of what I will do to myself if you did “ I said that after impulsively cheating on that person when there wasn’t anything wrong with the relationship but as a way of coping with stress and the emptiness inside me now there are reasons for that fear of abandonment one of them is the incompetency of my will to live by my own and make my own decisions since I have maid horrendous choices in the past I stopped trusting myself to make it in this world … other reasons could be argued as complete selfishness I don’t want to talk about it and there is love also but it’s not consistent or stable there are days feels I’m about to suffocate from that person , and there are days I feel joy being around , I have been told that I’m not right in the head many times and I’m not “ normal “ I’m cold and detached emotionally and I can’t deny that but this wasn’t the only person I felt that way being with so this feeling the fear of abandonment reoccured to me even when my last relationship were with a complete narcissist and it was wrong on many levels I still felt lost without that relationship

    Is this bpd ??? I just want to feel a since of relief finally knowing what the fk is wrong with me

  11. I keep having really bad anxiety about my boyfriend dying or getting hurt or leaving me and I really wish it would stop. I know he’s okay and I know he loves me but I just can’t shake the feeling that when he’s not with me he’s gonna get hurt. I’ve been dealing with BPD for a long time but this anxiety is new to me. I guess it’s because this is my first serious relationship and I’ve dealt with a lot of people leaving me. I just don’t want that to happen.

  12. My worst fears:abandonment and rejection. But Ive dealt with them so much its just life. i expect it Plus I have an Avoidant attachment style which doesnt help me in relationships. Sucks. But I will work with your suggestions and see if it helps. Thanks again for your vids Katie

  13. Only issue I take with this video is that it only focuses on one side of the coin in which the individual with the fear is actively pushing others away and its their own fault. While it can be the fault of the person with the fear, what if its origins are in a particularly toxic individual that abandoned you in the first place? What if they took pleasure in hurting you and rubbed it in your face? What if now you do have this massive fear of abandonment but you don't manipulate anyone or blow up but spend life panicking that everyone else is going to leave you? You internalize all of it.

    You didn't touch on anything but what the abandoned person might be doing wrong. I think a lot of it would appreciate these videos more if you examined both sides. How do we cope and better ourselves when the situation or feelings are not a result of our own actions?

  14. I'm sure this technique won't help maybe just for a while. If you struggle with this issue you need to find the root of your fear.
    On the other hand, people who fear of abandonment usually do not realise they fear of abandonment it is in particularly true in the case of borderline personality disorder.

  15. Honestly i have fear of abandonment and your video didn't help me at all besides just blaming the person who already has a sickness. Even your methods of coping with that is useless. Just a waste of time watching your video

  16. I have borderline, but I am always the one who abandons people. If they're not good friends to me or something has happened between us where I get hurt I cut contact. However, sometimes I can't let them go and end up obsessing over them, fake scenarios, the past and I stalk them on social media. I also forgive easily after a while. So my friendships have been kinda like bestfriends to not speaking for 5 months to bestfriends to not speaking for 5 more months and so on. And all my exes who "loved me" hate me with passion. :p I know what Im doing and why Im doing it, but I can't control my feelings. If I decide not to act a certain way towards a person I just end up despiting them so much that the smallest wrong-doing can set me off.

  17. I mean I don't do the manipulation thing.
    I try to be as honest as possible at all times even though it's hard and it makes me even more scared of being left out.
    And it's not just fear. I'm pretty sure I've driven everyone away from my life.

    I mean, ok. Maybe I do manipulate others.
    Sometimes I feel like they can't handle me anymore and
    I'll just say what they want so they don't end up thinking that I'm an asshole. I hope I'm not.

    I don't know. I feel so exhausted right now. Fuck this disease. I don't even know if it's a real thing.
    At times I feel like it's just an excuse (or at least it's perceived as such) and I don't know what to do.

  18. abandonment isn't fear it's reality. My parents have, won't speak to me, see me, blocked me from Facebook etc for 6 years now. All friends gone, My daughter, who I raised alone, poured myself into her years trying to stay stable throughout school so she could graduate with the same people, go to college, go on spring break trips like her friends. I tried so hard to make life stable, healthy and happy. But since marriage 8 year's ago and with first child 7 year's ago, our relationship stopped. I've never met my grandkids, see no pictures, blocked from Facebook. she's since had 2 more kid's. I've been hospitalized with no visitation calls, nothing, no one. So this is reality. How do I deal w this?

  19. I don’t really do the manipulation part, my anxiety pulls me back from asking for help even if it’s actually needed…. my problem is I have no friends. Each loss is a story on its own. Now I can’t tell if I’m losing someone else or if all of my emotional scars from the past is making me feel like I am

  20. What about when you fear abandonment because it's happened to you so many times for reasons beyond your control? I understand that the way people with BPD act can often repel people. But I keep encountering close friendships that are going great, and then suddenly I get abandoned for reasons like going away to school or getting a job in a different city. It just happened again, just as I was finally recovering and learning to trust again from the last time it happened. I am now terrified to get close to anyone because it seems like as soon as I do, they move away.

  21. I have just been diagnosed with bpd and I tend to feel like the boy who cried wolf because I always make a big deal about everything and act like it’s the end of the world but then when something very serious is happening nobody knows if they can trust that it’s serious or not. And it hurts. I have just ordered two books on how to practice dbt skills and how to help regulate my intense emotions that go along with bpd, so I’m definitely going to work on this so I don’t disappoint my loved ones (mainly my boyfriend) but also so I don’t disappoint myself.

  22. Going through this now but in my heart I think I'm over analysing. People don't get back to me for a few days and I think they hate me lol. Keep your head up people

  23. I think BPDs are afraid of abandonment rightfully. Nobody can stand these abusive people. Especially their groundless abusive anger, extortion, exploitation, lies, denial and delusions. So everybody abandons them. BPDs love splitting. Lets split with them.

  24. As far as I know, I haven’t been diagnosed with BPD, but I do recognize a lot of the symptoms (I know not to self diagnose). Fear of abandonment is major thing for me.

  25. I was abandon on a bench in China and then a cop found me while I was a sleep. I still have night terrors

  26. People dont even leave me. I just think they would leave me, and the thoughts then spiraling. It feels like fcking real! Then ill rage 🙁

  27. I have a question… I have shown and noticed all the other symptoms of bpd for years now but the only symptom that doesn’t really have a negative effect on my life is the intense fear of abandonment. So is it possible for someone to still have this without this main symptom?

  28. Reminds me of my boyfriend. He's been rejected by a couple of other girls and took it hard. The other day, I didn't text him back until nighttime and he was angry, said he'd felt abandoned.
    When he asked me "How would you feel if I did that to you?" I responded that I'd just assume he is busy or has his phone off and not be bothered by it. Sounds like abandonment issues to me.

    What scares me is knowing he sank into depression and unhealthy coping with those otr girls. Maybe he was younger and foolish then, but If he can't handle one day without a response, what will he do if this doesn't work out?

  29. The borderline facilitates their own abandonment. Constant drama, mood instability and poor interpersonal relationships… very difficult.

  30. I lost my best friend from drowning. I was so upset then I was more attached to my mum I didn't want to leave her side it was quite bad then I was abandoned and for a few months I felt alone. Then I found my husband and I'm totally attached to him

  31. Religion and religious thinking can not be a solution at all. In fact, religion is a mental illness.
    Rest of video was excellent

  32. I’m well aware I’m late to this video, but if somebody can answer I would really appreciate it. Anyways, are “fear of abandonment” (usually common with bpd) and Abandonment Issues the same thing?

  33. When I am in any sort of relationship the problem with me is whenever someone does or says something hurtful I wanna stop them stand up for my self or correct them maybe even leave them but then I get soo afarid that that they will not like me anymore and leave me so i get extreamly anxious and I start to feel guilty for not speaking up. I end up tolerating completly unacceptable behavior from my friends and even randome ppl around me like the sales women then dentist and randome strangers.. Can u plz tell me what's wrong with me?

  34. When you said "what it is and why" I was kind of expecting less acronym and more "what causes people with BPD to fear loss / abandonment"

  35. I'm not trying to be a "negative nelly" but I'd rather be alone forever than deal with this unfortunate diagnoses.

  36. I'm a bit confused… While I appreciate the acronym I.M.P.R.O.V.E. as a method for managing the overwhelming fear of abandonment, the text in the video in the lower left-hand side reads "How to avoid abandonment", which to me feels a bit like it's implying that the person who is afraid of abandonment has total control of the other party and will inevitably cause more abandonment like it's a never-ending cycle of fear, abandonment, fear, abandonment, etc. It felt a bit like it was implying that the person who is afraid of abandonment is always at fault for being abandoned, which is not what I think you were trying to imply if I'm not mistaken. I'm guessing there was some initial abandonment or something like that that triggered the fear? Am I off base? What about those times when someone just disappears or leaves for no obvious reason?

  37. The older I've gotten the more of an "introvert" I've become! I've been having a feeling of wanting to be more social and imagining me out there living my best life with lots of friends and having a wonderful mate but in reality that's not me! I don't even have friends, I'm really a recluse, scared to get close to people, scared to love and question if i am really being loved in return, so I sabotage the relationship! I'm really mean when I don't want to be I guess to see if they would stay long enough to put up with me because I'm not really mean! It's a guard I guess! I will also go looking for reasons to prove to myself that they didn't want me in the first place and they were going to leave me anyway! So I am choosing now to not even get involved in any relationship anymore! I don't want to hurt anyone because I don't understand myself or to be hurt anymore! Yes, I've been called crazy, I've been physically and emotionally abused, my mother is textbook narcissist, my dad was absent in my raising! I don't feel a loving connection to either of them! They are both living and apart of my life but it seems forced! I can't relate to people who brag about how much they love their mother and father because I don't feel the same way! Smdh so many issues and I don't k ow where to start to deal with first! But I feel I struggle with abandonment issues and so I'm here…..

  38. I do have fear of abandonment. But, i dont manipulate others to stay with me. I usually help them as much as i could so i got to spend time with them. I always hang out with them so i dont get left behind. Is that bad though ?

  39. wait a sec: manipulation. I get all the "trying to fix the wrong person" and all the kinds of things that I ought not to gloss over. So, yes, manipulation of my fears onto someone else could have lots to do with things. But it could be that the person I am involved with is abandoning me out of the need to manipulate me. We could have parted amicably, we could have even remained in some semblance of relationship that befitted us both. But abandonment leaves a huge "?" left out there, confirms my worst fears, without any cooperation in letting stress and attachment cycle through to resolution. It's like ghosting, but in the main sense of the term, like what happens when a loved-one goes missing and they never find the body. Who does that to someone?

  40. I don’t really get it tbh. I don’t have any friends, I have a boyfriend and I guess I’m scared of him abandoning me for someone else but the fear isn’t that strong..? I think. I constantly push him away and am mean to him too even though I still want him to give me attention and it’s like I want to completely push him away but am scared of him leaving. My actions are either horrible or really nice because my mood swings are intense. Does this mean I’m not bpd then? because all I seem to hear about it is the abandonment thing so idk

  41. I struggle with separating and understanding my feelings.
    Things that scare me the most and bring out the strongest emotions.

    1. Abuse & Any kind of Opression.
    2. Abandonment
    3.Trust
    4. I don't know.
    I'm just sad all the time.

  42. Wow I'm commenting before I even watch the video because I only saw the title and this pushes my buttons all my buttons every buttons buttons buttons buttons. my biological father left me when I was two my father that my mom remarried to when I was four is always there but emotionally abandons me because he's not emotional and when I married my husband became emotionally not available and physically not available and we're not together after 19 years and I didn't date anybody for eight years because I gave myself time to heal. First guy I dated didn't want to be exclusive and after 5 years I finally had the guts to end it. Second guy I dated fell in love with me but had commitment issues and would never Simi exclusively. So after 4 years I said goodbye. Third man I dated was the best and we dated for a year and a half. But he would see me very few and far between. Never told me he loved me. And then he ended up dying so I never found out any answers to my questions. I've felt abandoned by every man in my life. I always feel that I I'm not worth being loved. it's crazy because men actually do fall in love with me and tell me they have fallen in love with me but don't want to be with me. So therefore in my mind it says I'm not worth it. now I'm going to watch this video try to learn from it or see what I can take from it and I'll comment again down below.

  43. I don't understand how by identifying the emotion that would help with fear of abandonment. Also many times there are a combination of feelings or a range of emotions it can't be isolated to just one feeling. Having more than one particular emotion at any given time makes trying to sort it out very difficult.

  44. I so often distance myself and cut myself off from people I care about because Im afraid of being abandoned…. if i pretend I dont care and I keep my distance then maybe it wont hurt so much when they leave… because being abandoned is horrible and Im often convinced that its inevitable… no matter what I do, everyone will leave me… and I'll be alone…

  45. I've just had an assessment with a mental health nurse to find out if I have BPD. I'm just waiting to see a psychiatrist now to get a diagnosis. I already know I have it though. I can feel it. I finally have an answer to my suffering.

  46. Oh my god. I saw this in the liked videos of the youtuber Hungry Fatchick. I’m really worried for her, her friends stood her up, pray

  47. I have bpd and I dont manipulate people into staying neither do I make up drama … my life is a drama already I tend to isolate when depress which then leads to becoming suicidal .. people eventually reach out but i am emotionally exhausted from my own self i struggle to stay in touch i think bpd is a spectrum disorder and we are all different not the same.

  48. I’m 12, and I don’t know what to do. I don’t understand myself and it’s like I have nobody. My father raped both my half sisters and he’s gone it in a way I think it’s my fault because I wasn’t good enough for him so he had to find another way to be happy. I pushed all my friends away by doing rude things when I didn’t mean it, I don’t eat, I pushed all my family away even though I want to talk about everything, and my best friend Ethan is everything to me but yet I keep hurting him and lying so I can get his attention to feel loved and so he’ll stay. I know everybody is going to die and then I’ll have nobody and I’ll be alone and I need people. At school if ethan is not there and he forgot to tell me he was sick like little things I’ll start to freak out and hide it but I go home because I was scared and alone and I had nobody. I am just scared and I feel really alone and I want help but I don’t think my mom will believe something is wrong but I just need somebody to relate to.

  49. Drama, rage, violence, manipulation, unappreciative, drugs, stealing, did I say unappreciative! Disrespectful, drinking, hyper sexual , negative, hates everyone????? Can’t manage this, had to walk away.

  50. I was walking with a group of friends and they started running because they were having a snowball fight. I stayed behind and went into another turn because that's where i lived. I saw them all having fun from across the street and I mumbled 'The feeling of being alone" and I started to cry a little. Does that mean I'm scared of being abandoned?

  51. I'm sorry for commenting before even watching, but I've been struggling with fear of abandonment from my very 1st relationship (I dont have a past case where I can relate back too). I constantly think about my partner leaving me, and always try too look for confirmation that he won't leave me.
    I don't think I have bpd. Is there another explanation? Other than low self esteem. It just doesn't feel "normal", I find it hard to explain..

  52. All these skills and acronyms and shit are too overwhelming in and of themselves. I can't do it. It's why I don't do well in therapy

  53. This made me feel worse about myself and the really hurts… like what do i do with this information… like Yes i am a shit person…. and i will never ved loved because of this….
    and if i ever ‘manipulated’ anyone it was never my intention and Everytime there was an crisis that means there was one i am never pretending…. and if i can’t do anything it’s because i can’t and yes if people og loved ones and especially my ex help me with everything that i can’t do i get more sick…. and i can’t do anything cause now i really am helpless but now i am needy and manipulative and so much more…. it’s just not fair… how Can i live with my self when everybody se us and me this Way….. like i just can’t anymore….. i am so depressed and tiref cause there is no hope and i am a piece of shit…

  54. If it weren’t for this channel I would never have started to realize the truth to everything so thank you sincerely I’m still suffering but atleast it makes sense and now I know I need therapy

  55. I’ve always thought I had some sort of personality disorder as my emotions are always on a different level! And hearing this I have agreed with every single thing you have said. Do I need to me medicated for this should I speak to my doctor ? This has ruined my life for such a long time and I just though I was crazy! I’ve ruined every relationship because of this and I’m terrified I’m going to now be along forever 😭

  56. I have BPD , I just had a episode with fear of abandonment and rejection today. I thought my care managers were rejecting me.

  57. I was diagnosed with
    personality disorder (major) in 1982 when i was 17 years old, after a
    very traumatic childhood of mental abuse, abandonment, childrens homes.

  58. What I do to help with fear of abandonment is try and make lots of friends – like have at least 8 people I can text, maybe at least 2 that would be able to meet with me if I really needed human contact or some attention or social soothing at that moment. I try to keep my woes and complaints brief but open, like “I’m feeling super lonely today dude, like I don’t even wanna leave the house cause I might start balling at the sight of a puppy or something”. Most people are interested and ask why and then try and help you find stability (sort of intuitive CBT I guess). Then I thank them for helping (even if I don’t feel better) and try and have a “normal”, calm evening of socialising. My getting interested in them distracts me from my sadness or bad thoughts, and leaves my friend with a memory of an evenly weighed conversation.

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