[Eugene singing] Tonto, jump on it, jump on it, jump on it. Today, we’re delivering babies. What do I know about the actual delivering of a baby? The whole process seems crazy. You’re like a human printer. I’ve never seen… any sort of *human* birth. I know that… Ugh but I really don’t know that much, you know. We’re doing this for the very unlikely but very real possibility that Ned finds himself in the middle of the woods when Ariel goes into labor and he has to deliver the baby himself. So you want me to tell you *how* to deliver a baby or what happens while you’re in labor? Z: What are things as a doctor that we could mess up? The head can get the stuck. The baby could get stuck. Sometimes the baby will start to have decelerations in the heart rate… One thing you don’t want to do is drop the baby. N: So many things can go wrong. This is a very stressful series for Ned. Dr. W: Doctor.
E: Doctor. N: Doctor.
Dr: Doctor. Dr: Doctor.
Z: Doctor! K: Doctor.
Dr: Doctor. K: Good morning. (laughter) So, welcome back, yes. Did you just welcome her back into her own office? … Varicose veins, you could get haemorrhoids. N: What are some of the positives?
Dr: The baby. How much pizza do I get to eat? So Dr. Bowen? I am having a baby. That is so exciting! Yes, we’re going to deliver a baby. Okay, sounds fun. Using a medical model. Dr: Okay.
Z: Is it fun? I wouldn’t say… I mean I wouldn’t say– a medical model, it might be fine. E: Welcome to our show today. We are basting and roasting a Thanksgiving turkey. Let’s take a look at this bird. The outcome is fun. Z: Sure. Dr: The end result is fun. The process is not that fun. So as part of my ten-hour childbirth class, I had to watch a baby being born. (nervous laughter) Scarred me for life. But as a result, I’m going to make the other three guys also watch a childbirth. I think I’m the only one here who’s never seen a birthing video. I have seen inside myself multiple times,
I’ve seen inside other people multiple times. I don’t think this is gonna be that crazy. It’s part of life. I think — let’s– let’s dive into it. Shall we? What’s the worst that we can see? Uh, a vagina with a human inside of it? K&E: 3 K&E: 2 K&E: 1 We cut to a *horrifying* close-up of a vagina. N: Miles, you couldn’t do like a fade-in/fade-out for us?
Z: (laughing) But once the baby’s head starts to show Uh… Wow It’s just a… I just… You’re gonna start to see as the woman pushes, you’re gonna see more and more of the head. Wooooooww She said the baby’s coming out. So she’s- she’s making way. Which is basically stretching her perineum. So- Z: What’s a perineum? K: (laughing) K&E: (laughing) This is your perineum, okay. This is your vagina, okay. Your rectum is gonna be down here. So it’ll be a little ball for your rectum. Z: Oh.
N: Oh God. Ohh God. So what happens is your vagina opens, right, you guys? The vagina is opening as the head– Z: Did you say right- right you guys?
K: Right guys? And so then as that happens the perineum will start bend and open too. N: No, no. No. No. Once we’re at that level where your vagina’s opened this much, and the heads showing this much, that’s pretty much go time. Z: (laughing)
N: Oh wow, there’s water. Oh. Z: That is funny. Dr: Then you’re gonna see the little head of the baby Z: I can’t N: No tearing. No tearing. E: Babies are soo dumb. Z: That’s just- that’s what they look like? K: (laughing)
E: Oh what it has in its mouth K: (laughing) I don’t know what just came out of its nose- it just spewed out. E: The juices- I don’t quite know what the juices are though. Dr: That’s the amniotic fluid and that’s what breaks.
N: That’s what the water comes from. So the water is the baby’s pee. It’s fetal urine. K&Z: (laughing) N: Now that’s hilarious. Z: This is the craziest because right now she has a head and there’s a head coming out of her bottom. She’s like a CatDog. K: And they’re playing this song- they’re playing– (laughs) Z: Did you hear that waterfall?!
N: The water broke after? [E & K singing] N: Oh (laughs) Yay!
Z: (coughs) N: Yay! Baby! You did it! Z: “He’s beautiful.”
N: Her screaming “He’s beautiful” and he is not beautiful. Z: You’re full of shit, lady.
N: Her screaming “He’s beautiful” and he is not beautiful. Your job is, after the baby come out, is to watch for signs of the placental separation. K: Oh, this is just the– K&E: Ohhh And you’ll see some gush of blood. N: No! N: No! Z: There’s so much blood going down her butt crack!
N: Is that the baby? And then you kind of deliver the placenta, similar to the baby, with gentle downward traction ’til the placenta comes out. And it looks like a bag of dice is coming out of her. *That’s* the placenta?! N: Yeah, yeah.
Z: That looks like a dead lamb carcass. It looks like a giant piece of liver E: Mmm appetizing. They seriously did not show us any of this in birth class.
Oh, they showed us the easy stuff. Ooh, they showed us that like- making a beautiful baby. K: I thought that it was cool.
E: That was cool. It was cool. Educational. E: She’s good for having to pop out that baby — necklace and everything. K: Yeah. She’s hot.
E: She’s– (laughing) K: Yeah. She’s hot. I’ll be like one of those 1950s dads that just sits in the waiting room reading a paper and then they’re like, “Here’s… your 18 year old child.” Z: You ready to go deliver a baby ourselves? N: I don’t… I… I understand the mechanics of it, but it’s pretty different when it’s like your wife pushing out a baby out of her vagina. How’s it all gonna fit? We’re gonna be using the actual dummies that medical students use to practice delivering babies because you do not want someone’s practice to be the real deal. K: It’s literally a Tasty video and… it’s not… [Zach laughing] K: It’s the least appetizing Tasty video you’ve ever seen.
Dr: Mmm tasty. The way I look right now is how I think my parents have always dreamed and yet I failed them, and now I’m making a video where I pretend like I actually have this job. This is Travis. This is one of Ned’s best friends. They went to high school together. We were literally in a high school musical together. Are you a child doctor? Is that how they say it? Dr: Pediatrician?
E: Pediatrician! Yeah Z: You don’t deliver babies, but you’ve done it?
Dr: Correct. So you are totally down to teach us how to catch a baby with this tool that you’ve never used either. Dr: Correct.
K: Great. Dr: Inside.
E: It’s missing a lot of organs doctor. I’ve watched a lot of Grey’s Anatomy. I think I know what I’m doing, Travis. There’s a bomb in the patient! Dr: So this is our high fidelity birth simulator.
Z: Her name’s Fidelity? Z: Hi, Fidelity. (Laughs) Z: What was Ned like in high school?
Dr: He’s not that different. [Zach hums]
Dr: He was very popular… uh… Z: Well he’s very different! (laughs) [Ned noisily putting on gloves]
Dr: Um, all right. [Ned noisily putting on gloves]
Dr: So (laughs) N: *If* Ariel goes into labor early, I don’t want to deliver the baby myself, N: But I want to be prepared.
Dr: Exactly. Dr: So this baby, he’s made of-
N: He’s so cute! He’s very cute. Ooh also, you’re not circumcised. They usually aren’t when they come out. So we have to lubricate a little bit K: Oh!
Dr: You wanna do the honours? K: Yes, I sure do! Okay, that’s good- that’s good! (laughs Oh God In real life, you got amniotic fluid, Fetal urine.
[Keith & Zach laugh] …and then from the doctor’s side, we use lubrication as well. [dummy bangs lightly on table]
As a pediatrician, not okay with this, but that’s… Maybe put some gloves on? Oh. [bleep] Yeah, you’re a butt I’ve only oiled Keith’s butt before so this is new for me. You guys seeing what I’m seeing? It is *something.* Dr: I think we’re good. You think we’re good? E: Hm? I know that I’m supposed to be imagining that this is… Ariel, but I’m gonna call this person… Denise. K: So I see you’re just… plunging the baby into it that way. Why is it staring at the butt? Dr. B: The majority of babies are supposed to navigate themselves down. Dr. W: The uterus is like this big room full of muscle. Did they call it the uterus because the baby goes from you-ter-us? Dr.: Love it. Dr: Baby’s gonna slowly make its way down here.
N: So like, how long does all that take? Dr: A few hours.
N: A few hours?! So what you just did, those like two inches takes, like, six hours? So the cervix is basically just a long tube. And usually it’s closed, but as the baby is making its way down here, it’s gonna start opening for various reasons. Z: So I need to check to see if the woman’s dilated. Dr: You got to make sure. And we’re looking for ten centimeters. That’s the magic number. So you’re gonna… [Eugene laughs] Dr: You’re gonna just feel. K: Oh, yeah.
Dr: Usually with two fingers- K: Oh. Oh, yep.
[E hums] Dr: So the cervix. You feel it?
N: Oh! Oh yeah. Oh wow. Dr: That’s the baby’s head. Z: Wait, you actually feel the baby’s head when you do that?
Dr: Yeah. E: So this is how a typically comes out right? Head first? E: So what happens if it comes out feet first? Dr: Now breech is a different thing. This is when you’re talking about a backwards baby. K: Feet first, right?
Dr: Feet first. Z: It’s like a water slide.
Dr: Yeah. In the US the majority of babies will not be born vaginally breech. The problem is is that when the body comes, the body tends to be smaller than the head. The head can get stuck and that’s called head entrapment. N: So how do you check? When the baby’s coming out the head feels very different than the butt. So if you felt a butt– K: Even now. [Zach laughs] My head feels so different from my butt. So sometimes when the baby’s head is facing straight up, Labor doesn’t go as easily, and it can be a little harder to get the baby out. N: What do you mean by not as easily? Dr: So it can just take a lot longer, or might need to go for a c-section. Dr: Perfect. So it’s time. Let’s do this. K: All right, honey. I need you to push for me. Dr: And as we’re pushing-
N: Ten, nine, eight… Dr: All right. So this is going to be a lot of pain and pressure for the mother. E: You’ve been doing great. You’re doing great, Travis. Z: Come on. Push. Do it.
Dr: Exactly. K: Oh you’re doing so good! [chuckles] So strange. Wow, that’s amazing. Look. Do you see the vagina started… in, and now it’s pushing out? Dr: It’s stretching.
Z: Is that really what happens? So once the baby starts to crown, you’re gonna see the baby kind of rotating and eventually the head’s gonna come out. And so the head’s gonna turn to the right or to the left. Dr: And the only thing– N: This is insane. Her vagina’s getting bigger! What do you mean “help him”? Well there’s nothing to do! Dr: All right, so–
Z: Well, do I… pet it? Dr: Help spread the labia.
Z: So that’s my job. Wait, you spread the labia? Dr: Gently.
Z: Wait, which one’s the labia? Dr: Sometimes the shoulders, which is actually what’s happening right now, can kind of get stuck on the pelvis.
[N: What.] And then you’re gonna see the little head of the baby, K: [horrified shouting] Oh God, it’s insane. Dr: The baby’s head’s coming out. There we go. Look at that. N: You’re doing great. You’re doing great! Dr: Here comes the head.
N: I can see his head, I can see his head! On your very first time delivering a baby, was this actually… Like, were you okay with seeing all this? Or did you have a… A reaction where you’re like, wow, this is new. I think you get to realize how lucky you are to be a part of… one of the best moments in someone’s life. Oh God, you’re definitely Ned’s friend. [Zach laughs]
Dr: All right. There we go, alright. [Zach laughs]
Dr: So. [holds in laughter] I’m gonna. N: Oh oh oh, oh yes. Oh hi!
Dr: There we go. N: Hi, little guy! Hi!
Dr: Alright. So. Dr: So this is the important part though. We have to get the shoulders out. E: Well, the shoulders are the hardest part right? Even in real birth. Dr: You just think about- this is the widest part of your body right? Z: Wow, look at it! So it’s just hanging there. K: And in this portion of delivery do you like… Chat about how like, you’re like a two-headed person right now, you know. Z: Total CatDog. Dr: We don’t want to keep compressing the neck on this baby do we? Z: But this is so cool-looking. When the head is getting compressed by the vagina and the perineum, Sometimes the baby will start to have decelerations in the heart rate. So the baby’s being monitored during this time. And so, the baby can’t sit there for 10 hours. I mean, it’s usually a matter of minutes before– once you’re at that point the baby actually is out. Dr: You’re gonna kinda… almost like a sandwich. You’re gonna put one hand here, one hand here, all right? E: Oh man.
Dr: And you’re gonna– E: I shouldn’t be hungry while I do this, right?
Dr: Maybe not.
E: Because I’m super hungry. Z: What do I do? Because don’t want her to rip.
Dr: So… Z: If I can prevent it.
Dr: It’s a little late. Z: She’s ripped? Dr: Hold down on the…
[Keith kisses the dummy] Dr: …head a little bit to get that shoulder out. There you go. K: But what if I rip the head off?
Dr: It’s okay. K: It’s okay to rip the head off?! N: She’s like screaming now, right? Like how do I kind of just like. Diffuse the situation like, emotionally? [in a soothing voice] It’s okay. Shh. It’s okay. It’s okay.
Dr: And a lot of the… N: I’m talking… you’re right. Dr: It’s to her. Right here.
N: But she doesn’t have a face! Z: Why are you tipping it away from the table?
Dr: I’m just- I’m just giving– Z: I want the table to catch the baby.
Dr: In real life, You’re gonna have to catch the baby. Z: I have to *catch* a baby? Z: Well, it doesn’t shoot out.
Dr: It can. Because the force that the mom is generating is very very strong You know, it’s tight tight tight, and then finally there’s relief and so you have to be able to deal with that pressure and make sure you hold on to the baby. K: Oh what a nightmare. Gently push down, and then gently pull up. Z: So down, and up. Okay. Dr: Yeah, we got to get that shoulder out there first. Z: [strained] I’m so sorry, baby. K: Okay, I’m pushing. Dr: Oh look at that. That shoulder’s coming really nicely. K: Oh the shoulder is very– sorry, are kind of separating from the joint. N: What if the shoulders don’t come out? Dr: We’re at risk for the baby losing oxygen.
N: Oh my God, what? Dr: So we need to get that shoulder out. So you do have to use a little bit of force. N: Get out of here, baby. K: Get out of there you little Z: Oh, I bet I’m gonna rip its head off. I’m gonna rip its head off Travis! And then you catch the baby with your catch movement. Z: Define– you- you actually catch it? Like you– Dr: No no. You kind of guide it. And it’s like a little maneuver. Dr: You just kinda… flip it around like a football.
K: [swoop sound effect twice] E: This baby is–
Dr: Oh! There we go. Dr: Meh. E: I know that was a little too hard. Sorry. Dr: Widest part of baby’s out. There you go! Look at that! K: [relieved exhale] Z: Whoa! Dr: You caught it! See, look!
[Zach laughs] Dr: There you go! Perfect.
N: Oh! Here we go! N: And I go hang out with Ariel, and like, we’re a family. Dr: Look how happy he is. [Zach bursts in laughter, Travis joins in] K: Oh yeah, he’s so gooey. Don’t we do one of the… [slap]
Dr: Yeah, we want- we want baby to start breathing, to cry. Nowadays we just go for a… a gentler nice hold, and maybe rub the baby. [menacingly] Hey. Hey! Are you good? Are you good? Are you good in there baby? Dr: But you’re in the woods, right?
N: Yeah. Dr: And there’s still the afterbirth. Z: Whoa!
[Dr: And then-] K: Is this really what it looks like, Travis? N: Ohh yeah, there you go! Dr: You did it. [Travis laughs] Dr: I just got like, sprayed. Now we bring the baby out and we put the baby directly on mom’s tummy Dr: There you go. [laughs] [female voice off-camera: Skin-to-skin!] Dr: We call this skin-to-skin. I’ll prop her up a little bit. N: (softly) Oh, I’m so proud of you sweetie. (whispers) That was amazing. [off-camera: Aww] N: Awwww [Travis joins in] E: This gives me more appreciation for people in the medical field. E: So that’s a lot of work they all have to go through to help save lives and… make lives. K: Yeah!
[Travis chuckles] K: (less enthusiastically) Yeah! (laughs) Z: I’ll say, if Ned *doesn’t* deliver his own baby, I give you permission to go on his Instagram and call him a little b****. (laughs) Thank you guys so much for watching. If *you’re* ever in a labor situation, you can use *these* steps. And make sure to post the comment as to how it went when you delivered your own baby.
[laughter off-screen] Dr: Maybe not so much. Z: Ohh God! Ohh.
[chorus of other people saying “Oh” with an increasing pitch] N: We’re your daddies. All four of us K: (gasp) My hat! [laughs]