Torofy Blog

Depression and Heart Disease

Trauma Related Illness: Is Abuse Making You Sick?

(soft music) – Welcome to Evening TV. Today I want to talk to
you about Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
and psychosomatic illness. Psychosomatic illness is
something I used to equate with hypochondria. Which is basically hysterical illness, like a neurotic illness,
a thought up illness, an imagined illness. And it’s not. So a manifested illness
that is as a result of the mind and body connection. Some could argue, in fact,
I might even be in this camp that really that includes all illness. Because I sort of feel like
most, if not all, illness is due to some kind of a
breakdown somewhere along the line. At least that’s been true of my own life. I generally, I’ve generally
been very healthy, I’ve been a very healthy person. But the times when I have had illnesses, they’ve been pretty severe
and directly linked to something going on in my life. As a child I was basically healthy, but the one thing I had
wrong with me is I had sore throats and laryngitis,
like chronically for years. For a good chunk of my childhood, through most of my childhood. Where my voice, where
sometimes I didn’t have a voice at all. And it would hurt to speak,
my throat was sore constantly and ironically my mother
was a nurse and this was just a really neglected thing. But in retrospect, of
course, I looked at that and I thought how could that
not be related to the fact that the whole time that was going on, there were all these secrets,
things I wasn’t telling myself, the truth I wasn’t
telling myself let alone anybody else about my
life, about my family, about the truth of my situation. And it was a way to cope. It was a way to cope. And, of course, the big
one, the big obvious one is that I was depressed for
years, I couldn’t figure out why I was so depressed
because everything looked so perfect in my life
and then the universe was trying to get my attention
with the depression. I kept going and saying,
“I don’t know what’s wrong “with me, give me some
medication ’cause obviously “nothing’s wrong with me,
my life is perfect and “I’m still depressed.” So we tried every kind of
medication, nothing really helped. We kind of got to some kind
of cocktail that seemed to sort of take away the
worst edges of it so that’s what I was taking at the time
when I had this heart attack. And I, at 33 years old, I
manifested a heart attack. They can speculate on the
reason that there is a very rare disorder that has to
do with fluctuations in estrogen levels and I
would’ve fit the profile for that to happen, but I knew,
I knew that really the reason it happened was related to this sadness. It was related to this
sadness and the reason that I especially knew that was that after the heart attack happened, my life just unraveled. As soon as I needed the people
in my life and I couldn’t hide my needs, I couldn’t
keep the needs from, I had to go ahead and have
needs, it was a mass exodus. My husband left followed
by my parents and they just made up all these excuses
and reasons to leave and did the smear campaign and
the whole thing and it was, you know, obviously
devastating because here I had almost died and I’m really
faced with the fact that my husband and my own
parents and my own brother appear to have wished that I had died. And to this day it
seems that’s what they– That was basically the end
of our relationship was when I survived. And they started attacking
me at that point, it went on for years of
just them smear campaigning attacking me and the court
battles, custody battles, and all that stuff and
we were never okay again. You can see it happening
with all kinds of things. Even my husband, he was very
balanced, very stable guy, I think that he needs a
certain amount of downtime, he needs a certain amount of rest. And so he gets migraine
headaches and he thinks that they’re as a result of
not getting enough sleep and I almost think it’s the reverse. I think that he almost gets
the headaches so that he has an excuse to go sleep
so he has, he has to. He can’t not, he has to go
lay down ’cause he can’t do anything else ’cause it hurts so bad. I had injuries in my back,
I have residual pain in my back, but I feel, I believe
there is a connection between the CPTSD and that pain. And I’m gonna start
exploring that a little bit. Definitely the most profound one, the most profound and
obvious one that I had in my own life and that I
see in my kids’ lives is the mental illnesses. When it comes to depression. I was so sad, I was so so depressed, and really so confused about it. I had no idea why. And of course now I can
look at it and it just makes perfect sense, of
course I was depressed, of course I was. But my sons, the same
thing is true for them. They have all kinds of
reasons to be depressed, to be anxious, and my one
son was self-medicating and when he died, I don’t
consider the drugs that killed him, I consider
that he died from CPTSD. He died because he was
self-medicating the CPTSD. The really disturbing thing
is is that the trauma, prolonged trauma, in complex
post traumatic stress disorder is as a result of ongoing trauma. Day in day out trauma. So our bodies were built to have a system, an alarm system, so that when
we were out in the jungles fighting bears and tigers
or whatever that when we saw a bear on the horizon we would, our blood vessels would open
up, our pupils would dilate, our heart would start
pounding and our adrenaline would surge and all that
and we would be able to run faster, we’d be stronger,
we’d be able to do things that we couldn’t normally
do in our regular state. And this was, and we were
designed to do that for short bursts. Well what’s the problem, the problem is what happens when that bear
or that tiger comes home every night? There’s a test called
the ASES test which tests trauma triggers, it tests
the events in your life, things that go on in your
life and asks how many trauma events have you had. And the amount of, they can,
they’ve done like 17,000 of these tests and have determined with completely accuracy that
there’s predictable rates of, you can, you’re said to be
sure to die 20 years earlier if you have seven of these
ASES things verse none. Or even four of them or
something would indicate these differences and raise levels of cancer, of different disease,
hepatitis and heart disease and all of these things. And certainly suicide is on there, suicide is a big one. And depression is a big one. And so those are very real diseases. There is absolutely everything
is very real about that. But it is definitely linked
to the stress disorder and the ongoing day in day out prolonged effects of stress on our bodies. And this coming from childhood. This is stemming from early
onset, from childhood. And I look at that and I think to myself that, I think about my son and how I might’ve been focused on
some of the wrong things. I wasn’t treating him for Post
Traumatic Stress Disorder, we were treating him for drug addiction. And we were gonna start
treating him for hepatitis. But those were symptoms, right? Those are symptoms of the disorder, of the real root cause. You know and I had addressed,
I had gotten him out of trying to be around his dad but he– And I believe, I believe
that one of the biggest causes for a lot of people
for depression is the cognitive dissonance. Because people do quite
well that even when they’ve gone through really horrible events, torturous, violence, terrible, even combat veterans and violent crimes and really
pretty horrible things, people actually recover quite
well as long as they can say what happened, they
can be validated for what happened, and they can
get validation for that, yeah it was wrong and that
shouldn’t have happened, that was a crisis and all that stuff. But the cognitive
dissonance of not having, not having the trauma admitted, validated, even witnessed, ’cause a
lot of times with emotional abuse it’s not witnessed
and if it is witnessed, sometimes the other witnesses,
if there are one or two, there may be some other sort of pact on, they may have a different
position on how they’re gonna talk about it. Or even children in the
same family have a different experience of trauma. My brother and I, for instance,
he was definitely abused, definitely abused, but
it’s not something we ever talked about and he, he definitely jumped on board
with scapegoating me and now basically says that
we had an ideal childhood and all of that. So never validated that
there was anything wrong with anything that happened to me
or anything that anyone did that there was anything
wrong with any of that. Which was pretty outrageous,
pretty outrageous abuse. But that can be, when
I had my heart attack, it was definitely caused
by the fact that I wasn’t telling myself, I was acting
like, my life looked perfect, everyone was acting like it was perfect, I was acting like it was perfect, but there was something that
I wasn’t letting myself know and that something became
very clear when I had this heart attack and I needed help. And everyone just abandoned me. Then I went ah-ha, I see,
that’s what the problem was. I was surrounded by all these
people that didn’t love me. That didn’t love me, my life was a lie. I built a life on an illusion. And they had been abusing me. This was abuse, they were abusing me, they’d been neglecting me
and abusing me and they, they didn’t care about me. And strangely enough,
as awful as my life got, I mean it got really pretty
chaotic and it was really hard for several years because I just got brutalized in the
divorce and all this stuff and was really just left
penniless and disabled and completely isolated and
it was really really bad. And I had to rebuild a new
life out of, really, nothing. But I did do that, but what’s
interesting was is that the depression was gone. With all those things wrong
with my life the depression was gone. Because there was no longer
any cognitive dissonance. Now I knew what was going
on, I knew what had happened, I figured out about narcissistic abuse, I figured out, my
ex-husband at this point, he had a diagnosis that we
had gotten this diagnosis in 2003 but I had ignored it. And so I went back and
dug it out and read it and started researching it and
all of a sudden I was putting two and two together and now
at least my life made sense. At least it made some sense. And there was no longer
any lie there about it. But trauma, ongoing trauma is, is, and emotional abuse,
ongoing emotional abuse, it doesn’t have to be physical abuse, and the emotional abuse really is, really no one escapes from that. No one escapes emotional abuse. It’s really the trickiest
thing to navigate. And there’s a book, this book right here, Heart Break and Heart
Disease, this book is actually about exactly, almost about
exactly what happened to me. Except this is about
manifesting heart disease, which I did not have. I had something called
spontaneous coronary artery dissection so it happened all of a sudden, but you can just having
ongoing heart ache and sadness and depression can
actually cause you to have psychosomatic heart disease. Can cause you to manifest heart disease. And I really absolutely,
absolutely believe in the mind body connection. After my near death experience
I absolutely do because I know that I willed myself to die, I know that I willed myself
to live and I know that I willed myself to die
again and I willed myself to live again. I totally did that. And so I completely believe
in the mind body connection. And so now when things happen
I’ve got some issues with my teeth, I broke a bone,
different things like that, I definitely ask myself
what’s going on in my life. What’s happening with my life. And the broken bone happened
on my son’s birthday. It has everything to do
with my sadness and my grief over that and I
definitely have some issues and some anger and some
CPTSD to really still sort through to deal with that. And my anger about it and all that because not having any family
support and all of that and feeling like they’re responsible, like they’ll never take any
responsibility and all that. Those are things for me
to work through and things that could very well make me sick. And so I’m not, I want
to work through them, I’m motivated to work
through them because that is potentially some place
that could really be bad for my health. And so I want to make sure
that I address it because that’s not gonna do anybody any good. The damage has already
been so done to my son and I don’t need to be
causing myself anymore health problems because
I’m upset with my family and unable to process that. But anyway, so psychosomatic
illness and complex post traumatic stress disorder are both, are very related and
they’re important things to learn about. And make sure that you’re
not trying to stuff– they come from abandoned
feelings or not processing feelings, not wanting to go there. That doesn’t work, really,
very well very long at all to try and not go into your feelings. Trying to avoid feelings and avoidant behaviors and denial and justifications and
minimizing and all of that, it doesn’t work long term
and the longer you do it the harder it is when you
finally come around and finally have to face the facts. There is no way to the
other side but through. And that’s what I know for
sure and that’s what I– With my son and his addiction and my other son, they both had depression, they both have anxiety,
it’s related to this stuff, and the addiction was
just self-medication. And so I was hoping that he was gonna be able to
process going into really looking at what had happened
in his life and I really believed that was the
way that he was gonna get through it to the other side. And the addiction was
just a way to continue to avoid going there. ‘Cause life hurt, it hurt
a lot and he didn’t want to go into the pain so it was
avoiding the pain and– But leaning into the pain
and going through it and getting to the other
side is a way to avoid, is a way to heal the Complex
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder the only way
that I know of and it’s also a way to avoid a
multitude of psychosomatic illnesses, some of which are fatal. Long term fatal and you
could cause yourself, really, a lifetime of poor health. And also it can be lesser things, too. It could just be constant
anxiety, panic attacks, and things like that that
just make it hard for you to have a productive life. And that can have all
kinds of manifestations, it could be all kinds of
reasons that you may have developed those kinds of
things as coping mechanisms in your childhood. And there’s a multitude of
ways that we learn to cope. Children are very adaptive
and so, for instance, maybe when you were a kid
you were really neglected and ignored, but you had
asthma and when you had an asthma flare up, you
got your mom’s attention. So maybe asthma became a
way of getting attention. And there’s nothing wrong
with that, we need attention, and you just did what, it
would’ve just been a natural manifestation. But then eventually gets fixed,
it gets fixed and becomes part of you and you tell
yourself a different story about it. So anyway, psychosomatic illness and PTSD, complex PTSD are related
and they’re all related to emotional abuse in childhood. Treatments for dealing with them are EMD– There’s several of them
and I might do episodes on them in here, but ones
that I have done myself that I recommend myself,
EMDR, which is Eye Movement Desensitization Reconditioning
or something like that. Which is you basically hold
these pallets and you watch some lights and you think
of the traumatic events and it kind of reprograms
your brain when you’re thinking about these traumatic events. There’s the tapping, tapping
therapy that you might’ve heard about, and also is
when you think about the traumatic events and then
you do this tapping on pressure points. And then there’s a multitude
of other therapies and a toolbox of things to try. You definitely want to try. If you are, if you are
manifesting any kind of illnesses and especially if you
know you have Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder,
then you know what you need to do. You need to just work on
some healing before you get really sick. So keep yourself well. Alright, thanks a lot you
guys and I will talk with you soon, please write some comments. And give me a thumbs up. Okay bye bye.

13 thoughts on “Trauma Related Illness: Is Abuse Making You Sick?

  1. Sounds like you had tonsillitis throughout your childhood. The throat is probably subconsciously significant because it's where your voice comes from and if you
    have never been allowed a voice then illness is likely to manifest there.

    My tonsils have always reacted to stress. It was tonsillitis that triggered my sinisitis, 
    which has been continuous for 21 years despite three rounds of antibiotics.

    My depression started from about age seven (both my parents were narcissists).

  2. I remember being on a really potent SsRI and after a few months all my aches and pains dissapeared. I felt like I had flu most of the time and I needed a lot of sleep just to barely function. Its real. I feel bad for hypochondriacs because unhappiness does make you ill and maybe you need validation, love and attention to heal from that.

  3. Here is my story that will back this up. I am a survivor of Narc abuse of 49 years! I had chronic ear infections as a child. (Narcs hurt my ears with their insanity). I was diagnosed with interstitial cystitis (chronic bladder ulcers/inflammation) at age 26, (I was pissed off!) chronic fatigue syndrome (tired of abuse) fibromyalgia (feeling beat up all the time). And the latest as of 1 1/2 years ago, PARASITES!!!! (Didn't listen to my gut instincts). How many times do you hear Narcs referred to as PARASITES???!!! (Narcs were sucking the LIFE out of me!!!!) They are in my muscles (Narcs got "under my skin") I can feel them in my head! (Narcs eat at your mind!) In a strange way my body/mind got together to PROTECT me this way since I had zero boundaries of my own! My painful bladder prevented me from having sex (which kept me from more sexual abuse). No Narc wants to be with a sick person. I cut off the last Narc a few months ago. I have never been loved, appreciated or protected or "allowed" to thrive or be happy, Just used and abused. It is a known fact that people who wind up with actual parasites/worms (Narcs "worm their way into your life) were more than likely abused. So if you tell me it's all in my head, I would have to agree, because I can feel them in there! For anyone else who has it as bad as me let me save you the trouble. A product called Freedom, Cleanse, Restore by Dr. Amin out of Arizona has the stuff that will clear this out over the course of time. Study and enforce boundaries! When we take in a Narc we are turning against our owns selves! Autoimmunity is the SAME! Your body will agree with YOU!!! It's been quite a life! I had bladder cancer in 2007, Polyps in 2010, a 10 cm mass of my ovary with endometriosis somewhere in there too. I was told to find my own fucking ride the day of my cancer surgery.. It was VERY BAD and unfortunately my life time "normal" to be treated like this. Please get away from your Abuser before it destroys your health!!! Thank you for this video and allowing our comments. I hope this post helps someone not get sick like me!!

  4. Wow, i had many people disappear when i left my husband of 28 years, due to abuse, including family. Blessings to you for good health!

  5. When you're going through a bad time watch out for opportunists. They're there when you've got no one.

  6. I'm so sorry you had to go through all that. I can definitely relate. I'm just now learning that this is a real thing and I definitely have it. Always wondered why I was such a sick kid and carried it over into adulthood. My obesity is my security blanket and it keeps people away. Time for me to work through some pain before it kills me. Thanks for sharing your story… You never know whose life you might save.🌈

  7. Has abuse or trauma impacted your health? Please share in the comments, like the video and subscribe to my channel. 🔔–Make sure to hit the bell!

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