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Depression and Heart Disease

100 thoughts on “Why is My Mental Illness So Competitive? | Kati Morton

  1. Thank you for another great video, they are so useful to me through a difficult time, particularly as I’m about to commence a mental health placement as part of my PA course, so seeing things from both sides! And also, I love your shirt!

  2. Ok I have a question. My friend was happy and upbeat before she hang out with me so much. Now she acts like me. Depressed and unhappy. But it’s not as bad as me but I can’t help but think it’s my fault. How can I fix this?

  3. This is so coool because we just had the same discussion in class about Attachment Styles related to Mental Illness last Wednesday 🙂

    After that discussion I became more conscious of how I treat my little brother. Eventho I'm not a parent, I think being an older sibling can also affect how he perceives the family environment as far as parental attention is concerned. That's why Mentalization is important. Perception of children can be altered thru this, provided by the parent or caregiver.

  4. I'd never thought of it as being "competitive" but your descriptions made so much sense (put words to) with what I go through sometimes, especially when it comes to seeing others who are struggling with mental health and comparisons.

  5. I’ve been cutting for a month and been wanting to tell someone because I know I need help but I cant my bff just told me she was bi and was cutting but I got her to stop and bf just broke up with someone and my 2 of bf’s came to me and said they liked boys and by the way their boys I want to tell them about my cutting but I don’t want to put pressure on them and then have them start cutting because of me I’m so confused and so lost I don’t know what to do😔😞😔😞😔😞also I like boys and I’m boy I have depression and anxiety and the only who believes me is my bff…

  6. Such a great video. I’ve spoken about ed being competitive in therapy before, and it seems that’s a very common feature of them, as it fuels the not good enough thought that gets me stuck. Love hearing your thoughts on this. As always, I liked the video before even watching, because I always like your stuff xx

  7. What can happen to someone in regards to attachment and mental health when they loose a care giver very young? Like the death of a mother when you are a baby.

  8. WOW I struggle with this all the time!! I always feel like I don't really have a legitimate reason to be anxious, down, or depressed etc. This video was very validating.

  9. Oh my gosh. It’s like your living in my head with something. Sometimes it’s so hard with my thoughts and looking at others. I just struggle.

  10. THIS. IS. SO. RELEVANT! Holy shit I have always felt like when I talk about anxiety and depression, anyone else who also deals with this on any spectrum HAS to chime in and offer why "their X or Y" is worse than mine. And you're right people want to feel heard but it's really annoying. I'm glad you're talking about it!

  11. Thank you for this. I have yet to get help even though I realize I need it (I don't "feel" as though I need it cause… I'm doing fine and there are other people who's been through worse who are doing fine too so I should too… :P) but watching these videos really help me while I'm slowly trying to build up the "courage" to reach out and get help. It's one of my goals for this year. 🙂
    And this topic really is one that hits close to home – I've been doing this my whole life and realized early on that it's stupid – but that's not enough to stop the behavior. But getting some logic behind it like this, is very helpful.
    Thank you so much for all your videos. <3 I don't comment like this much but I watch every upload, thank you. <3

  12. thank you so much for this. i thought i was the only one feeling this way. i thought i was just a crazy, selfish person for having such thoughts

  13. I think because the words depression and anxiety are thrown around so casually now no one really takes it seriously. People say they're depressed/anxious to describe normal emotions during a bad day. I feel like I end up having to describe how bad my anxiety is to people, and how it's worse than their 'anxiety' to make them realise.

  14. Can you do a video on waiting for something bad to happen for your feelings to get validated? I’ve noticed I’ve been waiting for the next bad thing to happen since I’m struggling and it doesn’t feel valid as I barely have anything wrong in my life. #katie FAQ

  15. This is why I started self harm. I saw the other people got more attention than me bc they did it so I started. It wasnt bc I wanted to be the center of attention; I wanted the opposite of tht. But I did want someone to help me, to listen to me, to care and love me.

  16. I always feel like I'm not "anxious enough" and that I'm lying about my anxiety and I'm making it up for attention, which in turn just makes me more anxious. Very eye opening video.

  17. Thank you Kati. I'm new to you and really love what you are doing. I have recently started seeing a therapist but have been struggling for 20+ years. You are a huge reason why I finally started therapy and I thank you. It's a slow start for me but I know it is the best thing I have done just for me in a long time.

  18. Hi Kati, I recently found you through youtube and have found your videos quite interesting. I’m struggling with talking to my parents about what I’ve been feeling and such. I’m in high school and I have finally realized that I need help. I’m not sure where to go with this because I feel extremely anxious about talking to my parents. I was really hoping for some help in how to navigate this sticky situation?

  19. I've struggled so much with this, and even more so after being diagnosed with a chronic pain disorder. I think growing up in a home with a parent who was struggling with similar issues contributes a lot to this competitiveness and self-invalidation that I tend to do. But I am trying to retrain myself to be kinder to myself. Thank you for the reminder, and the confirmation that I'm definitely not the only one who struggles with this. <3

  20. I used to be jealous of the people who were “sick enough” to be believed by their parents.

    It took forever for my parents to believe me.

  21. When I finally got up enough courage to tell my brothers that I had mental illnesses they were both incredulous. They both said I was just wanting attention. One of them came around and ended up being very supportive. The other, I am no contact. I feel I have to stay no contact because his dismissiveness affects my desire to get better.

  22. Hi Kati, thanks for putting out your videos! I started following you after your video with the Try Guys 🙂 I haven't seen a ton of your videos (yet!) But wanted to ask If you've done any videos with therapists of color or of other marginalized communities? Would love to see something like that. I, as well as I'm sure many others, find it so hard to find a therapist who's POC. I am very lucky as I have a POC therapist but I know not all are as lucky as me. Obviously that's a big barrier to some folks getting help, too, their preference in therapists and how they identify. Hope to see more of your videos, you're awesome!!

  23. It's so interesting to hear you talking about this as it's pretty much what I noticed myself doing several months ago. I still feel as though most people in my life have a poor understanding of OCD and don't realise the seriousness of what I've been living through. I've been doing better since I (finally) started therapy a year ago, but OCD has hugely impacted my university studies, my friendships, my physical health, my financial situation, and even almost killed me. The competitiveness comes in when I see a person with an audience, such as a Youtuber, getting so much love and support from their fans and the media for opening up about mental health struggles which I judge as being much less serious than my own. The best way I've found to deal with that jealous feeling is to instead focus on compassion. Firstly, I show compassion to myself by acknowledging that my bitterness is a shield I'm putting up to avoid feeling the sadness of not getting the same love and understanding from people in my life. Secondly, I, of course, show compassion toward the person I'm jealous of by empathizing with their struggles. Perhaps it is even objectively true that their mental health isn't as "bad" as mine, but that doesn't mean they don't also deserve support. It's difficult confessing to competitiveness and jealousy, as I've always been severely turned off by those qualities in others and I feel like a hypocrite, but I guess that's just the OCD in me trying to do the impossible: be perfect.

  24. My boyfriend has general anxiety and takes medication for it. I have social anxiety and I just try to work through it. Just because I know what triggers my anxiety he feels that I just don't understand how he feels. I don't want to compare our anxieties because they ARE different, but he doesn't take me seriously whenever I'm having an issue because it can't be as bad as what he's going through.

  25. I completely cannot wrap my head around this concept. What is so competitive? And most importantly…why? In the last 15 years I’ve dealt with depression, severe anxiety, self harm, and almost 7 yrs of active addiction, which was probably the worst experience of my entire life. I’m also diagnosed with BPD which I find to be completely accurate, and some form of OCD, which I’m honestly not sure about but what do I know? I’m not a doctor. But why would anyone want to compete when it comes to all of these hardships? Going through it was and is enough for me. I just don’t get it.🤷🏼‍♀️

  26. Thank you so much for your work on YouTube!
    Hard question- why am I changing from a good person to a bad person without me wanting to and without having someone influence me? I want to be as nice as I used to be, but I can't and I hate it and feel bad to those I have now disrespected.

  27. i was just talking about this in therapy yesterday and never thought about “competitive” as being the word for what i was feeling. what a great descriptor!! oftentimes my depression being so competitive leads me to feeling like a fraud, as it’ll often make me feel inadequate and invalid, as if i’m making it all up and its so comforting and validating to know i am not the only one who feels that way <3 ps great video kati!!!

  28. Can I just say, for me at least, I think your vocabulary is probably the most useful about your channel. I love the topics/discussion in your videos, but on a couple occasions I've had an epiphany from the title alone. So in other words thank you.

  29. I definitely struggled with this when I was depressed. Thank you for giving me the answer to a question I had for many years! Love your channel 🙂

  30. I didn’t know this is a thing but I definitely do struggle with it. I keep finding myself comparing my mental health condition with friends around me, specially with a friend who has severe depression, many different types of depressions overlapping, and severe anxiety.
    I always tell myself how my problems are so small and insignificant that I shouldn’t even be sad about it and I’m just making everything up to sound like a poor person when in reality I suffer so much from family issues and academic pressure I could barely hold myself together.
    I wanted so badly to see the school counsellor despite some primary considerations, and when I finally gained the courage to get help, I find myself rejecting it. It’s so annoying.
    I’m so annoying.
    Everyone must be annoyed with me.

  31. ❤️I was adopted at age 5 months and in an orphanage and foster care during that time, so I know that I have attachment issues stemming from that. Apparently it’s very common in adopted children. I had no idea of this until my current therapist talked brought it up.

    Maybe you could do a video on the long term affects of adoption that can arise later in life, like attachment and abandonment issues? ❤️

  32. I am so glad that you have made this video!

    When I was younger, I was surrounded by people I thought of as 'more sick' than me. They were more depressed, their self-injury was worse and many had attempted suicide. I saw them getting help that wasn't available to me and I started to wish that I could be as sick as them so I could get the support. I never really understood this jealousy up until now and felt shame around it as I 'should' be wishing to get better, not worse!

    Thank you for helping me to understand myself better, Kati, this has been incredibly valuable!

  33. Can insecure ambivalent attachment exist in someone without being emotional neglected?
    I'm someone who has very low confidence/self-esteem and feel I have this style, however I haven't been emotionally neglected from what I can remember. I can also get really attached to people I barely know who've been caring towards me.

  34. I don’t know what makes my depression competitive. I know that my depression overwhelms me frequently. I don’t know if I have an illness necessarily. Maybe I do. I have been diagnosed with mental illnesses, but everything seems to be a mental illness now a days. I am attached to my identity. I am attached to my dreams and prayers. I am always anxious and depressed about my inadequacy and poverty. I don’t have hope for much in life anymore. I don’t tear myself down because I have spent years trying to develop my soul and theology and creating healthy karma. For all my efforts, nothing happens that is positive. I am confident in myself and I have a tremendous self worth, but I am certainly sad and depressed about my lousy life and lack of hope.

  35. I know its linked with depression but every now and then I get this painful nostalgia, I reminisce over things years ago, say back in the 90's. It can be triggered by a song or film but leaves me feeling like I've been winded. Have you done any videos addressing this kind of issue?

  36. And I thought I was just an ass for feeling like that sometimes
    I understand now where it comes from so I can work on it
    Thank you!

  37. Very relatable.. always thought others have it worse. Without opening up to anyone. Then tend to feel guilty if I have small moments of feeling happy. Anyway.. great video as always!

  38. Something ive kind of struggled with with my depression, is it seems like its almost like a “fad” or its “cool” to be depressed. So if i feel comfortable enough around someone and tell them i have depression, its almost never taken seriously because “everyone” is depressed, and theyre like “oh ya me too haha” so its hard for me to know if im depressed enough to go to therapy. Its all just so frustrating

  39. I have a question, not related to the video, but I wasn't sure where to ask it (new to the channel). I've been hearing a lot about maladaptive daydreaming recently, and how its an unofficial form of dissociation. Is it really, or is it a term that was simply created to describe excessive daydreaming? I'm curious because I daydream a lot and thought it was just a creative outlet like reading a book was, not potentially a problem.

  40. Hi Kati.

    I would really appreciate your advice on weed?. I am struggeling to let it go and if I dont use weed once a day I fall back into a very deep and dark depression phase which immediatly goes away once have weed in my system. It's ruining my daily routine and affecting my health.
    I keep hearing constabtly from fellow weed users and friends who have never even used weed say that it is not addictive. I am aware that my body can build up a tolerance to it but I am just really struggeling to let it go or even take a tolerance break.

    Any advice or knowledge you might have on weed will be very appreciated.

    Thank you
    Anro

  41. I feel like this is a normal part of depression and other mental illnesses and people don’t talk about it enough

  42. Wait, so it’s normal to cycle? Like, have a lot of symptoms for a period and then get better for a period and it’s not really regular it’s just kinda happening? And is it normal to get more symptoms as a result of a specific event and then for it to slowly ease up? And the have less symptoms because of a specific event, like one that’s really positive in your life, and for any symptoms to sort of seem to disappear for a time?

    And is it normal to be afraid of being asymptomatic as if it means you were never really struggling, or making it all up on accident?

  43. HI Kati I have a question I hope you can answer. I can’t find it on your channel, but I think you may have already talked about it somewhere.
    So my question is, why does my brain ‘block’ people when I get too close with them or when they know too much about me?

  44. I always thought my mental health issues wouldn’t be listened to unless I had depression… leading me to develop depression

  45. I’m not sure, if I have anything, but say I do, I have definitely thought, I’m fine, they have it worse I just want attention, which I don’t deserve, so I don’t want attention anymore, or something like that

  46. Does anyone have any further resources on this in particular? I'm currently doing some work on looking at the root of some of my MH symptoms and it would be great to be able to deliver deeper into this

  47. Wait this helps me so much to hear that, my dad would always tell me I shouldn't be depressed because others had it worse and that only made me feel worse, I think I unconsciously just wanted that help and support from my parents, but them believing I wasn't depressed, made me make myself feel worse, even though I wanted that acceptance, help and support, I'd reject them when they did want me around. Idk if that makes sense but I just wanted to say thank you, that information is really nice to hear and that I wasn't just doing it all for the attention

  48. Maybe my depression is competitive because I'm living in a competitive family, society or world…What kind of depression would you have in a compassionate world?

  49. I've never counted the days but I've been pretty much SH free for around 2 years, and I've gotten a pretty good handle on redirecting SH urges and don't relate to a lot of the reasons I used to self harm any more. Still today, when I see someone with self harm scars, that are maybe larger or more frequent or more visible or somehow something my brain seems "better", I can't help but feel jealous and the urge to self harm to try to "improve" my scars. It hasn't actually caused me to self harm and I know that it's unreasonable, but it's still something I find myself thinking and it's very frustrating.

  50. Thank you for making this video. I used to be so ashamed of having this feeling, because I thought "well what if I don't really have mental illness, what if I'm making this whole scenario up in my head for attention." But another reason I feel this way is when people talk about they hate their life or whatever. For example, one of my friends is having a summer camp that lasts pretty much all summer. Well, she'll text stuff to the group chat like "OMG I hate my life and I don't have a summer!" And it makes me feel really bad because she gets a lot of attention and "oh well it'll get better like you know whatever school's coming in like a month." but me a person who has diagnosed mental illness, whenever I try to talk to people I'm always being showed up by others like if I talk about say wanting to cut again I'll hear people talking about "well I have suicidal thoughts" and they keep on trying to one-up me and it makes me feel like whatever I'm feeling is not valid.

  51. This is so me. My parents did a lot of emotional invalidation and a bit of gaslighting. Then I married a man who became infatuated with my parents and so he dismisses and minimizes my problems I have with them, and/ or pushes message that his parental issues are worse. I seem to be cursed to find people who make me feel my problems are too small to matter. Sometimes my problems ARE smaller than theirs. But that still shouldn’t mean they don’t matter. Other times my problems are pretty much equal but since it’s happening to me and not them, it doesn’t matter so much.

  52. Someone might think that a person that is severely mentally ill will get the help they need but there is no need to be jealous because often times they don't. So many seek other things to help them outside of the system when the system fails them. Things like Buddhism and moving to a place with more sunlight can help depression.

  53. The topic isnt relevant to me but when you said "childhood could happen to me all over again" i had shivers and a were little terrified))

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